My Crown Fell Off

Talked for a long time with J'Dizzle, sitting in my naughty chair (the driver's seat in my car) at the vacuums at the carwash. She always seems to know when to call. She understands me and lets me rant, and agrees with me, even if we are both wrong.

My daughter, J'Dizzle.
We talked about this new picture of her, and how Enrico snapped it of her when she was angry with him. We both laughed, and I told her that if someone took a picture of me right now, "angry" might be a good look for me too! 

Sometimes my daughter feels like a mother, caressing my anxiety and telling me I am ok. She is such a gift.

*sniffle*

I had to go back into town to the car wash, because,

I took the country dirt back road, up on top of the bench,

(Which is where I passed a lone runner. Why haven't I ever thought of running flailing up there?)

past the harvested potato fields and old potato cellars (I remember working in those very cellars.)

I had a talk with my Heavenly Father there, as I drove 20 mph, watching the setting sun. I told him everything, because I can't lie to Him. He knows. And although I was very very selfish and bad, I asked him for a blessing. Help me undo what I have done. Undeserving, and not quite sorry yet, me.

When I reached pavement my prayer was said, and my car was smothered in dust. I didn't want any questions about why I took the back roads. BB takes them often, and it drives KC crazy.

That's why when I was one ne mile from home, I headed back, on paved roads this time, into town, to the car wash.

But first, I had to pee from the huge diet Dr. Pepper I had just consumed, and I was hungry. So I drove into the McDonald's next to the car wash. Pit stop then refueled my tummy.

Next was the car wash. Dirt gone, and I was about to use the free vacuums, when J'Dizzle called. Perfect way to end my I-Would-Like-Some-Part-of-My-Home-to-Be-Mine-rage. She somehow knew to call, and all she wanted to do was talk about me.

At home, I said my painful sorry's. I was selfish, but not entirely wrong.

KC had cleaned the kitchen and dining room, and finished the laundry while I was gone. The house smells of bleach. I told him I felt bad that he did it all, knowing it was only because he knew I was angry. He denied that.

HAHAHA! Men. Bless his heart.  


I told him what was eating me and it sounded so ridiculous as the words spilled out. Foolishness. Childish.
"I hate it when I am this way!" He held me and let me cry in his chest. He gave me his hankee to wipe what used to be on my eyelashes off my face.

KC with the pumpkin he carved, at my birthday party last week. He bought me flowers,  planned the party with games, gifts, made dinner and a cake. Did all the dishes too. He does this every birthday for me. And Mother's Day. 

Sheesh. I can't win. I am a silly, silly girl.

If I were him, I would not put up with me for more than a minute, yet he does. I just can't figure him out. I am indeed, very blessed.